Turbulence, confusion, fear all the diseases were locked inside him. It is strange how people describe you as if they were beside you, acting like a life guard when your ship sank and wreaked you from inside out. All he wanted was to not think at all, to enjoy whatever was left of him. Though at times he wanted to be alone, with music in his mind and a glass of whisky. That kind of satisfaction was all he desired but was also scared for both coexisted in his mind at the same time. The world around him revolved like a fictional world .Well the difference between the real and fictional world is just a thread of disappointments. So he had just switched off the real side, years ago when hope had evaporated into thin air. “What is wrong with him? He looks perfect!” His friends whispered. He smiled with his perfectly built body, branded clothes, expensive watch and a line of girls ready to spend the rest of the fake life with him. What they chose to ignore was a crying child that breathed inside him. He was
A child that had experienced his parents shouting; a mother whose lies were far more important than the family itself. A marriage stuck together because of a child and society but not because of love.
A schoolboy who experienced bullying and was gifted betrayal from friends. A boy who harmed himself when alone inside closed doors, destroying himself to feel alive. Who cried out but no one helped for he was supposed to be “A Man” not a 10-year-old girl.
A teenager who was mocked for being a fat beast who hid behind movies and novels. It was then when he was surprised that someone could even fall in love with a dead soul. The wounds were tough to heal yet he didn’t feel the pain anymore. Yet at times love is not strong enough to fight the insecurities within. That year his parents almost got separated and it was then when his hopes disappeared when love was nothing but a joke. He let go of everything that mattered. However, she did come back, normalizing everything till the day when she slashed him again. He saw her swaying her body to someone else’s tunes.
A young man, who was carefully created, who wanted to be surrounded with people but not get dissolved within their love. A man who was confident, fearless and charming. Whose life was so perfect from outside that no one saw the rust inside. Who didn’t care for anyone or for himself. Who just wanted to enjoy the rest of life with nothing to think about. He was now a stud who thought books were senseless and movies with no story but hot actresses were the best.
A middle-aged man who now sat with a glass of whiskey inside the closed doors with a book on his hand or a movie that had just won an Oscar. He didn’t lose his young man but was still in contact with the innocent fat guy. The closed doors now made him believe that he had not completely lost himself yet was scared of the darkness. For the world he was still a man of power, except for one who loved him and his mess that he carried all his life. There was hand to hold when he shivered in cold and a heart to keep him warm. She was introduced to both the young man and the teenager.
Lying on the white sheets of the hospital breathing in the smell of Dettol, recovering from a massive heart attack, all he did was think. His thoughts varied from his children, to his wife who died in the same hospital, to his own childhood. He knew it was time to let go, he called his son. “It’s okay to be a mess and to be lost, but never lose faith in yourself, you my son are much stronger than me, let no one bring you down. Trust this old man, you will shine brighter than anyone for you embraced the child within you.”
The following day, sheets were changed for the next patient for the old man now lay under the white sheet, ready to meet his wife.