As I looked down the memory lane, I was surprised that I survived all through the journey. As I relived the memories, I cherished my good old days. With you my little angel, I could bear all the ups and downs thrown at my path. However I must confess at the time of your birth I was not sure if I was capable enough to raise an infant at such a young age. But your sparkling little eyes made believe in myself.
First three years were magical. these years gifted me immense joy and happiness. It was surreal when you said “Mamma” and held my finger for the first time. However these good old days ended abruptly. I was not prepared for the sudden change for I was still in my own fairy land with you. Your daddy passed away that year, I can still feel those dark days even after 47 years. You were the only light who guided me out of my dark day. I never told you what happened to him, the truth was so harsh that I chose to remain silent.Reality was at the corner with an evil smile. We were running out of money, there was no time for me to waste anymore. I applied for various jobs irrespective of what it was.
Life made me busy and that slowly built a wall between us. Though we loved each other yet we could no longer sit with a cup of tea for long chats. Then after graduation you moved out of our city. As you moved away from me, I became weaker. My strength now isolated me. I wanted you back but I could not ruin your life for my greed for your presence in my life. I waited near the phone to hear your voice. You often forgot to call, I had the urge to dial the special 10 digits but I did not for I knew this time life had made you busy. Loneliness often haunted me day and night.
You visited me after a year. I was stunned to see my changed angel. You had not only changed your look but also your attitude towards me. Your streaked hair did not cause me any harm but your cold behavior broke me once again. That night you wanted to sleep in your room and not beside your Mamma. Did you love? I had no doubts about that. However, did you need me? I chose not to answer that. It suddenly hit me that you were a grown up woman, I should no longer be the chain to hold you back. From that day my shadow became my new best friend.
The following year you introduced me to your life partner. I accepted your plea, I accepted your marriage. But was I happy? NO. How could I? I had already lost you, now you were going to belong to another man. I was scared for I could see my past being your future. You were so young to be married just like me! However I chose silence. I prayed to God to not to repeat the buried past, to let you shine in life and be happy. A year later you were blessed with a baby girl. When I lifted my granddaughter I relived the day when you came on this land. I was so proud of you, of what you had become.
I wouldn’t deny being hurt and pained, however a mother can never be angry with her daughter. Can she? You would know now, for Rachel is a beautiful teen now, just like you. Angela, I love you and I always will no matter where I am. I would now like to say goodbye, my time on this land has now come to an end. Its time for me to relax, do not cry over my death. I no longer exist, do not waste your precious tears on this old soul.
I hope you would forgive me for the wall that I built, I hope our love is strong enough to keep me alive in your memories. I hid this letter from you and asked Jake to give it to you after my departure for I wanted to talk to my little angel for the last time, even after my death.