~I wish to undo a few things~

Dear Diary,

I can feel the end lingering  around me. I can feel the tension grow and the calmness fighting  its way to reach me. I’m  far from the easy life , my boat is about to sink and i can feel the fear building inside me.

School’s coming  to an end and i can barely  see myself as a girl who can rock the world. I have become an average  student and i now regret  the things i have done. I wish someone  would have guided me all through the journey .

I dream of being a painter, i dream of a studio  filled  with my passion and my strength.  But alas! Who will understand  me in this competitive  world. All i aspire now is to join an engineering college.  My parents have so much faith in me. I can see everything  going down. Oh! I wish i would have stayed away from the late night chats with this boy who has just resulted in destroying my future. I wish i would not have spent days chatting  about stupid  things which gave  away the most important  days of my life.

I wish i would have stayed stronger and ran away from all the distractions  that blurred  my path.

I could have ended  today. My relationship  is taking me no where. I should have but then i couldn’t  imagen the awkwardness i would feel in my school. I couldn’t  type “it’s over”. All i did was waste another day chatting  with him. I know he thinks this is love. But how can i explain to him that this has got to end. That we would no longer be together  when we go to college. We were never meant  to be together.

I know the world would take me as a silly  girl. However  they have no idea about my struggle  of keeping my identity  intact. In this insane world its hard to find sanity.  It’s hard to be a teenager.It’s hard to keep up with the pressure. 

I wish someone  would guide me up the hill and show me the bright horizon.  

-Tulika