“Alisha congratulations! ….” Alisha stood there, flashing out her bright sparkling teeth. Her fake smile could convince everyone that she was on the top of the world. She thanked everyone and asked for their blessings. The conversations would generally end with ” love you too”.
She went to her competitor, extented her right hand for a firm shake hand. She could not show her sadness, that would show how weak she was. “You are a fine singer, you deserved the trophy. From where did you learn to sing so well? ” The winner gave a charming smile. “I am not a trained singer,actually I’m just a god gifted bathroom singer” she giggled as if her witty statement impressed her. Alisha gave a nod and started walking the other way. All she could think was her hostel room…..
The door was locked, her bangles lay broken on the floor, her eyes swollen, lips a victim of her teeth. Alisha was torn, her dreams were murdered tonight. She had not lost but her strength had. She took out a pen and her diary, the words rushed automatically, the urgency to write kept her from destroying every single object around her.
I feel tired, I feel helpless. The tears won’t stop. I have lost the race. My hard work.. my dreams.. my desire to achieve something, everything has just drowned with the ship of my failure.
I came second today. Who remembers the second option? Didn’t I deserve to be happy with me for just one time. Wasn’t my hard work enough to beat someone like Ketika!
One year of struggle gave me this! Hell with the bathroom singer! I feel crushed under the weight of her charming smile. How unfair can the world be? One note wrong and they give away the prize to that little jerk. All the harmony which I did was forgotten just for what? A silly minor mistake. My heart is burning, its a forest fire that can’t be pacified. I called my best friend and all she could say was “Don’t be a baby. You have come second, what’s so bad in that? ”
Ha! I wish I could say that to her if she worked hard for somthing. I wish she could sacrifice her love , just like me. I wish someone could slap me for that terrible little mistake that I did.
I am feeling so angry, I can feel my hands vibrate with rage. I know I need to calm myself, but how? The pain is too much to bear. The lost soul never rests, it never does really recover. Expectations are evil. It gives you hope and then smashes you against the wall of failure. To think of me as” someone who could have done better “is terrible. I know I’m better than her. I’m far more deserving than her. All she did on the stage was swing her slender body and sing a love song while showing off her long legs. Is having a perfect body the only criteria? Was my bloated body so ugly that the judges couldn’t see the different ranges of my voice, I don’t think I can ” before she could complete her sentence the pills that she took kicked inside her body. The pen fell down and so did her body……
~No that was not the end of her life.
No she didn’t commit suicide.
She was not a coward.
She was just tired, she needed some sleep. ~